Writing instead of reading?

Even though this blog is titled reading AND writing at 7000 ft, I rarely if ever actually write. I am tortured daily by this lack of writing. I know I should be writing and I don't.
Frankly, I'm scared to.
It is a constant source of anxiety for me. And I am already overly anxious to begin with.
Ideas and stories come to me constantly. I write them down. I don't write them. I read a horrible novel and I am shamed by the fact that that author could do it and I can't.
I can't sit down and see what comes out of my fingers. I can do these few paragraphs, but nothing more. After writing this the guilt and anxiety will fade for a little while, but the next morning it will be there and then it becomes a circle of anxiety that I can't get out of.
I know I feel better when I write. I've done it in the past and been very satisfied with what I've written, but I can't put it out there to be read.
This is out there, but I dont' tell anyone about it and then I get upset when there are only 3 page views in a week and I feel like what is the point of writing if no one is out there to read it.
I can't have it both ways. I either want an audience or I don't.
I am trying so hard to break out of this circle. I want an audience. I want people to see what I write. I want people to read my stuff and feel something, even if it is hate and malice for my failed attempt at writing.
I've read all the writing books and advice columns that say in order to get over your fear of writing all you have to do is sit down and write, but there is nothing scarier.
And then after it's written... then what? Where should it go? Who should read it? Is it publishable?
It is just too overwhelming for me to even think about.
I'm safe here in my little unknown blog. There is no judgement and there are no readers.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane

The Ocean at the End of the Lane
By Neil Gaiman

The dang photo wouldn't load.

I've been reading a lot of Neil Gaiman. I love fantasy and fairy tales I have been trying desperately to fall in love with Gaiman's writing.

I just can't do it.

The stories are good, more or less. They are very imaginitve and eerie. I just don't feel totally immersed in his worlds. That is why I can't feel much love for his books. I think after reading 3 in the last couple of months I can accurately say that I am not a Neil Gaiman fan. I really wanted to be, but he just doesn't float my boat in the creepy fantasy genre.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane has some interesting ideas. I love the idea of an ageless family of women living at the end of the lane. They have some sort of mystical power but we are not sure quite what. The suicide in the first chapters sets up a very creepy opening. I wanted to know more and I kept turning pages. What shut me down was the worm creature that came back with the narrartor from his first adventure with the Hempstock girl. I love magical realism and the worm made it hard to believe.
A number of other people seem to love this book, so maybe it's just me and my silly rules and expectations for magical realism.

Overall it's worth the read if you want to stay in the know. Get it from the library. It's only 190 pages and I usually have to have over 300 in order to justify buying a book.

The Never List

The Never List by Koethi Zan

Overall a most amazing read. Sarah has been out of captivity for 10 years when she learns her captor may be released on parole. She decides she must find the body of her friend and fellow captive, Jennifer, in order to keep the evil man behind bars.

At first I thougth this was going to be too scary for me. I mean look at the cover. But it turned out to be perfectly readable even at night time before bed. I read it in one day. It was really good. What made it such a page turner were all the plot twists and turns and just the general subject matter.

Yes it was very unbelievable. Yes there were numerous plot holes. I even had some character issues. I couldn't for the life of me figure out who two characters were who kept popping up. I went back to look for their introduction into the story and couldn't find it. When in doubt, please remind readers who they are dealing with. I'm really suprised an editor didn't red flag that little issue.

But in general I would reccommend this just for the thrill factor. I had to tell my husband to shush while I read the last 20 pages. He hates it when I do that, but it is an indicator of a good book.

Don't buy it, but do grab a copy from the library. It's worth the day it will take you to read it.

Vacation Update

I am finally back from a very long vacation and a long back-to-school-week. I have really been slacking off in my reading. In July I read 12! books.
This month I'm only up to 3 and 2 of those I read yesterday.

August Books

Orange is the New Black by Piper Kerman
The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
Austenland by Shannon Hale

In addition to those completed titles I am also still working on The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand and Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser.

I'll discuss my newly finished books later this week. I am still catching up and just wanted to check in. I will say that during my travels I recommended and discussed Orange in the New Black several times. It was just that good.

Tampa by Alissa Nutting

Let me just start this off by saying that I  did not read this whole book. I read the first and the last chapters and was able to save myself some time by skipping the middle. I don't usually write about all the books that I start and don't finish here, but this one needed to be spoken about. This, like all my other posts, is not a book review. It's just me, talking to you, about a book that I read.

Obviously I didn't like the first chapter or I would have read more. I knew that the story was  controversial. I'm cool with that, but I was looking for a good story, not a listing of the ways this woman can get off in her middle school classroom. If there had been a good story with a good hook I would have been on board. If this had been a love story I would have been on board. If this had been a convincing profile of a psychopathic woman I would have been on board. This book is none of those stories.

It's the story of a 26 year old woman who starts her first year of teaching with the express purpose of getting it on with a 14 year old boy.

I'm not a prude. I like sexy books. I even liked 50 Shades of Gray since it had a great story regardless of the writing. But this book was not sexy it was just plain too much. I don't know if it's because I work in a public school or if it's the fact that I don't understand how anyone could be attracted to 14 year old boys except 14 year old girls. Even when I was 14 I wasn't attracted to 14 year olds. When you are an 8th or 9th grade girl you are always crushing on the 16 and 17 year old boys.

I just found it weird, and unbelievable, in a bad way. I like unbelievable, but make it believable or the story will be no good. This was no good.

I love writing and I love writers. It's a hard job. I feel for Alissa Nutting. It sucks to get bad press especially after everyone has tried so hard to pump up and talk about her book. I hope I'm wrong about this book. Maybe all the middle parts are redeeming... but I doubt it.

Orange is the New Black

I remember getting this book from the library when it first came out. It sounded interesting even though it was a hipster's account of jail. I didn't end up reading it then for what ever reason, but when I heard it was made into a Netflix series I found myself interested again.

We recently finished watching all 4 seasons of Arrested Development (including Netflix's not- so original series) and couldnt' find another new show that was as funny and entertaining until I stumbled upon this. I think I read about it in Entertainment Weekly and it jogged my memory so we started watching it.

We've only been through the first 4 episodes, but so far I love it. It's a little heavy on the lesbianism for me, but it is a women's prison after all, so I deal with it as best I can. The story is awesome. Piper is weird and so are all the other women in the prison. What I love about it are the stories that are told about why the different women are in prison. Their stories are shown through flashbacks as a way to explain their behavior in prison. Laura Prepon is amazing as Piper's ex-girlfriend and Natasha Lyonne is always a spicy quirky ingredient.

The show is an odd duck. I wouldn't call it a comedy or a drama. It's more like pure entertainment in a fish out of water kind of story. My husband isn't as big a fan as I am, but he couldnt' tell me why. I think there just isn't enough action or violence in it. He keeps looking for similarities between this and WEEDS since it is produced by Jenji Kohan as well. The only similarity that I can see it that they both tell the story of a strong women in a strange situation.

I highly recommend it. On Netflix streaming only.

PW 2013 Fall Children's Books

It's here! It's here!

I just started it last night. This issue will take a little time. It's one of my favorite issues becuase I actually create buying lists from this issue. I circle, cross out and star selections and put it in my desk for the day when I get my budget numbers from the school district in November.

So far I'm still in the articles. I loved the one about what indie booksellers do to stock their stores with kids and YA books. It made me think, " How do I become a children's book buyer?" Can I honestly be paid for that? I mean I get paid for it by the school district to buy books for the library, but I also have to read to 600 children a week too, and all for the awesome salary of $12/hour. I bet if I worked for a  book store I would get paid more than that and wouldn't have to apply bandaids and clean up bloody noses.

Oh, this magazine always make me think and drool.