Writing instead of reading?

Even though this blog is titled reading AND writing at 7000 ft, I rarely if ever actually write. I am tortured daily by this lack of writing. I know I should be writing and I don't.
Frankly, I'm scared to.
It is a constant source of anxiety for me. And I am already overly anxious to begin with.
Ideas and stories come to me constantly. I write them down. I don't write them. I read a horrible novel and I am shamed by the fact that that author could do it and I can't.
I can't sit down and see what comes out of my fingers. I can do these few paragraphs, but nothing more. After writing this the guilt and anxiety will fade for a little while, but the next morning it will be there and then it becomes a circle of anxiety that I can't get out of.
I know I feel better when I write. I've done it in the past and been very satisfied with what I've written, but I can't put it out there to be read.
This is out there, but I dont' tell anyone about it and then I get upset when there are only 3 page views in a week and I feel like what is the point of writing if no one is out there to read it.
I can't have it both ways. I either want an audience or I don't.
I am trying so hard to break out of this circle. I want an audience. I want people to see what I write. I want people to read my stuff and feel something, even if it is hate and malice for my failed attempt at writing.
I've read all the writing books and advice columns that say in order to get over your fear of writing all you have to do is sit down and write, but there is nothing scarier.
And then after it's written... then what? Where should it go? Who should read it? Is it publishable?
It is just too overwhelming for me to even think about.
I'm safe here in my little unknown blog. There is no judgement and there are no readers.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane

The Ocean at the End of the Lane
By Neil Gaiman

The dang photo wouldn't load.

I've been reading a lot of Neil Gaiman. I love fantasy and fairy tales I have been trying desperately to fall in love with Gaiman's writing.

I just can't do it.

The stories are good, more or less. They are very imaginitve and eerie. I just don't feel totally immersed in his worlds. That is why I can't feel much love for his books. I think after reading 3 in the last couple of months I can accurately say that I am not a Neil Gaiman fan. I really wanted to be, but he just doesn't float my boat in the creepy fantasy genre.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane has some interesting ideas. I love the idea of an ageless family of women living at the end of the lane. They have some sort of mystical power but we are not sure quite what. The suicide in the first chapters sets up a very creepy opening. I wanted to know more and I kept turning pages. What shut me down was the worm creature that came back with the narrartor from his first adventure with the Hempstock girl. I love magical realism and the worm made it hard to believe.
A number of other people seem to love this book, so maybe it's just me and my silly rules and expectations for magical realism.

Overall it's worth the read if you want to stay in the know. Get it from the library. It's only 190 pages and I usually have to have over 300 in order to justify buying a book.

The Never List

The Never List by Koethi Zan

Overall a most amazing read. Sarah has been out of captivity for 10 years when she learns her captor may be released on parole. She decides she must find the body of her friend and fellow captive, Jennifer, in order to keep the evil man behind bars.

At first I thougth this was going to be too scary for me. I mean look at the cover. But it turned out to be perfectly readable even at night time before bed. I read it in one day. It was really good. What made it such a page turner were all the plot twists and turns and just the general subject matter.

Yes it was very unbelievable. Yes there were numerous plot holes. I even had some character issues. I couldn't for the life of me figure out who two characters were who kept popping up. I went back to look for their introduction into the story and couldn't find it. When in doubt, please remind readers who they are dealing with. I'm really suprised an editor didn't red flag that little issue.

But in general I would reccommend this just for the thrill factor. I had to tell my husband to shush while I read the last 20 pages. He hates it when I do that, but it is an indicator of a good book.

Don't buy it, but do grab a copy from the library. It's worth the day it will take you to read it.

Vacation Update

I am finally back from a very long vacation and a long back-to-school-week. I have really been slacking off in my reading. In July I read 12! books.
This month I'm only up to 3 and 2 of those I read yesterday.

August Books

Orange is the New Black by Piper Kerman
The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
Austenland by Shannon Hale

In addition to those completed titles I am also still working on The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand and Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser.

I'll discuss my newly finished books later this week. I am still catching up and just wanted to check in. I will say that during my travels I recommended and discussed Orange in the New Black several times. It was just that good.